This year Father’s Day was different. For those of us who grew up without a father the celebration of life from the heart of a Father is one that can be daunting for us. We aren’t sure whether to hate the day, celebrate the day, or just ignore everything that comes with it all together. This year for me the approach was different. As usual I wasn’t even aware that it was Father’s Day. It started like any other Sunday would and then I started thinking.
For the past 5 years I have come to know my Father. Our relationship has grown past the chaos of a life I didn’t know, never understood, and may never comprehend. Many times in our lives the adults make decisions that are unexplainable. We got older and the understanding of life as an adult becomes attainable however, our parents view that it is better for us to not know why what occurred even transpired. How do you explain to your child why you were not present? Is the reason valid or is it a mere excuse to overcome a past that one would rather not speak of. In my life I have searched for the truth and held onto it as best I can, but I realize there are many, many missing pieces.
I have chosen to overlook some of the lost puzzle pieces in hopes that I can simply enjoy the now. I strive to just enjoy my Father today as he is and as I am now. I can not fill in the gaps, but I can choose to embrace the fillings of tomorrow.
Too often we live in the past. We allow ourselves to become angry and bitter as the hurt lingers much longer than necessary. If you are not allowing yourself to embrace the now you are robbing yourself of a beautiful future. We don’t know where life will lead us, but we do know where the past has taken us. It is up to us to decipher if we can appreciate that journey.
There was more to Father’s Day this year that extended past my own Father. I see that the desire for me to build my own is becoming greater than my today. I realize that I long to have a family. I long to have someone to build with and at times the realization of that not being my present moment in time I find myself feeling emotions that I have to tame. I’ve wrestled with how to build healthy relationships and what I have had to conclude is that you can not build anything with someone who doesn’t want to build with you.
I am all about healing and reconciliation, but you have to be realistic in who you can build with. If you have broken family ties and are trying to find a way to mend them you must asses the heart and the desires of that heart of those that you desire to mend with.
Someone near and dear to me pushed me to find my Father, but I wasn’t ready at that time. His words of the importance of family lingered long past my undesire to have family and over time I put into motion the actions necessary to build something with someone other than myself. It hasn’t been easy nor steady, but it has been present. It has been my choice to live in the present and I hope I can continue to do so as I am often alone without the familial ties that I need, but if it is not possible, I am content, I must be content with living in the present.
Gifts don’t come everyday so when they do, unwrap them with vitality for doing so unwraps the gifts of the future.
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