I bowed my head. Shook it from left to right telling the Universe, “No.”
NO you can’t steal my dreams.
NO you may not have the happiness I have fought hard for.
NO you can not break me….again.
There are few times where I feel that I deserve a break. I’m like one of those punching bags for children that get hit by some unknown force and pop back up, never hitting the ground, always balanced. There are times when so much happens at once that when things are calm I take the time to breath, not sure of when I will be able to breath again. It’s been like this since birth. I was born into unfortunate circumstances, I was an orphan, felt lost, and as an adult I find myself in the world grappling to make a life for myself, very grounded and sometimes I still feel lost. Lost because after all the hard work I’m not seeing the fruits of the labor. I see growth. I can’t deny that but, where are the fruits?
Our journeys may be long but sometimes in our frustrations we make them longer than what they are. It’s all about perception. You have to train your eye to see.
I always know I’m not alone. So many struggle and I simply represent the percentage that wants to uplift others through my story, through my struggle.
I find it interesting that people choose what, who, and how one needs help and how they go about choosing. Does help have a face? Do you know what it looks like when you see someone in desperation or do you presume that one only needs help if they are in obvious pain? Pain marked by tears, the dirt of a homeless man or woman, the missing limbs of a human. How do you assist someone in need who is just as in need as the man begging on the streets, sleeping in parks if you can’t see. Some know how to mask their need. Some still get dressed, look flawless, and on the busy streets of NY you presume they have the best simply because they walk, talk, and present themselves as who they know themselves to be. What you don’t know is what it cost them to get out of bed. They don’t know what it cost you! What they do know is you can’t see them and perhaps your not supposed to.
All of us have a destiny, a mission imprinted onto our hearts. That destiny will be different than those around you and sometimes the destiny of others will feel similar to yours. I’m a Model, a Actress, a Writer, a Photographer, a Designer. I’m an Artist and I use my Art to express myself, to exert my destiny, but do you know me? Do you even want to? If I feel like this imagine how many in the world feel the same. Imagine how many of us are tired of the fake crap, fake smiles, fake assistance. We are tired of the leeches, the people that attach themselves like octopus’s tentacles there to suck you dry of the life that exist within you. We long for something genuine to hold onto. Genuine friendships, genuine love, genuine people in general. Not because of what we can get from you but, because of what we can share. In order to love it must first be relinquished. It’s like a magic potion and until someone opens the bottle we, those that love in truth are somewhat trapped. We are held in contempt by the world with the inability to give everything we have as we see that so many take for the wrong reasons.
Why do we give? For some it is innate. For many it is a equation to live by.
“I give because I get” is what should be marked on many tombstones, tattooed in braille for the world to see the second they feel your energy of poison.
I was tired, weary, but I pushed through. I took my cebaticle from life for a moment or two and then I woke up after being in my cave. While I was in my cave I just kept saying, “No.”
NO I will not quit.
NO you can’t have my destiny.
NO to failure.
Sometimes No is so powerful that it relinquishes a Yes.
Photography By: Rec the Director
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