I can often look at life and feel I have not moved quick enough, decided fast enough, worked hard enough. We, over achievers, can often look at what we have yet to accomplish before celebrating how far we have come. Instead of looking at the waters that we have swam through we often evaluate the waters ahead as if we haven’t already muddled through the trenches. We, children borne of darkness seek to build something for ourselves with bricks that weren’t laid at our feet. We had to find them, seek them, learn how to build those bricks into a home and we are often frustrated looking up at the house we are building because it has taken us so long. Do not forget that the foundation was not really laid so your home, our home is not necessarily as completed as those around you, but it is not incomplete either. Remember not to compare your journey to that of others as your journey is unique to your mission, what you were designed to become, who you inside already have been.
Those from broken homes appreciate homes differently than some who never had their home robbed. Not that those who come from decent households have not learned to appreciate the value of family, life, and struggles. We seem to place more emphasis on the need to build. We understand no one will build for us. We know that others will probably steal your bricks before they help you build, if they help you at all. Our journeys, whatever walk of life they are from are not easy journeys. Some are not proud of the road traveled but we should be. Just because the full manifestation of your work has yet to come doesn’t mean you don’t stop to smell the roses. I encourage you, smell the roses, appreciate, celebrate, embrace the milestones.
I often look up wondering how long it will take me to build the stability I have longed for since a young girl. I evaluate the moments when I felt secured then rip them apart by what tarnished, tainted, and dared take away that stability. I look at myself and how far I have come comparing it to where I once was and I am angered. Disturbed enough to make a difference today, angry enough to try to prevent trouble in my future, and sad enough to want to walk alone. Not because I don’t enjoy companionship but because I have seen firsthand the joy and sadness of that bond. I a true lover of love and life can not escape my inner need for companionship but I can master compartmentalization. Each person has a place and I feel one should be reserved for the all of who I am but until that moment I need to build. Brick by brick, I must build something that this world can not take away though material things can always be shattered. What we can do, what I will do is build to the best of my ability and build locks so that my house can never be moved.
I have never liked this independent woman movement that robs women, especially black women of the pride and joy of standing next to a man. I have learned the need to stand alone because one must learn to do that before they can enhance someone else’s life. Alone may be a lonely road, but perhaps the stones of that walk are worth running upon. At least then when no one is around, you may have a chance, only a chance to hold what you built.
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