Changing the Game
When it comes to dating some love it, some hate it, some hate to love it. I think I prefer to love, but in the matter of Technology it seems that availability has become endless online making those traditional values in dating watered down. What is your view of online dating?
I met my ex-husband online. No problems! Simply hit the “ignore” button on my fast track to divorce. It is NOT that online dating won’t lead you to the man of your dreams because it can and if you allow it to, it will. The important thing to remember about dating is that it goes beyond online. In today’s society the casz approach of online dating in this technology driven world is beyond the extraterrestrial.
How do you know a person is who they say they are? After my marriage to a Kenyan Bloke, I learned to value the importance of incorporating the old school way of dating in this modern world. There used to be this courtship that took place before marriage that went beyond gentle manners and offering a family cattle. I thought my Kenyan bloke was courting me the 8 months prior to my marriage but in reality it wasn’t enough . In today’s society we have thrown caution to the wind in pursuit of instant gratification. Thank you microwave generation! “I have my degree and now it is my time to get married.” Really, who said so?
Did you consult your creator before making that decision? Do you know the ancestry of the person you are marrying? Have you had a background check done and if so, who checked? Are the casual questions your only check on the boxes or have you gone deeper to the following.
1) Who are you? Yes, I am pulling an Adam Sandler. I know what you do to make a living, but the question is: Who are you?
2) Who are your parents and where are they from? You don’t know your father? Go find him while I sit here and wait, only because I kind of liked your answer to number one.
Come on orphans…you hear me.
3) What is your favorite color? Blue, you say! Is that because society says that men should like blue or…? LOL, let me stop. I know, I am too much!
4) Have you ever been sexually abused? Oooh, too touchy! That is NOT a delicate question but it should be handled delicately and approached with caution as the number of people (women and men alike) are sexually abused in mass amounts. Google it, the statistics are outrageous.
Yeah, I get it. By question 3 there is almost no need to go to question 7,8,9, or 10, heck I barely wanted to touch on question 4, BUT if you really think about it there are so many more questions that couples should ask that some of us don’t want to ask and sometimes, we don’t need to. In life we are not always READY to ask those deeper questions but it is necessary to assess what kind of life you want to have and ask the appropriate questions at the appropriate time. As they said in, A Few Good Men, “You can’t handle the TRUTH!” Not everyone thinks to ask who someone’s Great, Great, Great, Great Grandfather was times 3, but you should, because you need to know the answers to questions like this, especially when dating online. Learning someone’s family tree may tell you more about whether or not you want to bring them flowers or an apple on your first date, oh NYC (smiley face). I don’t care what fortune 500 company they work for or if they tell you their favorite color is blue or pink or every color of the rainbow. It is also not necessary to not trust anyone or not go on any dates because you are bored, he or she sounds fun, and you have nothing else to do on a Saturday at noon. I encourage the experiences that can bring about the knowledge necessary to understand life and I welcome opportunities to learn and teach others and have jolly ol’ laugh in the process BUT at what COST? Not everyone can get up, dust themselves off, and keep going…after a divorce. Don’t even begin to think it will be a walk in the park if you have children with the person you casually met online that turned into a full blown love affair. I am not against online dating but I am against the war of online terrorism when women and men alike see an opportunity and take advantage of the individual they are dating. Know who your spouse is before committing your hand to them in marriage. I married a man that I believed loved me and wanted to build a family with me. In the end, like the second I said, “I do” I found that not only did he pretend to love me but his reasons for marrying me went beyond attempting to secure his status in America, which suffice to say is secured. This is a crime that is committed everyday and puts individuals in situations that are unfortunate BUT in the event that this happens to one of you in pursuit of love online I encourage you to keep going without being bitter or angry. Even if the person who has taken advantage of you has not been prosecuted it is far better to be happy with your life than it is to seek revenge. Justice and revenge are two separate entities.
We can not continue to be people that go into the world unaware carelessly dating. I started tutoring someone recently and I thought we hit it off great! We had a long series of emails, one session at the library and then, POOF he vanished into thin air. Can you believe that? I have not heard from him sense! Why? My rate was affordable, my tutoring skills were tailored to his needs, and he appeared to respond well to our session. Talk about customer service, as a matter of fact, if you ask me, I say he really enjoyed my tutoring. Now I don’t want to pull a Miranda from “Sex and the City” and learn in a week that the reason he has not followed up is because he has gone to the other side, if you know what I mean, but this is pretty much how dating is, online and off. Ideally we should be aware no matter where we meet our future spouses.
Please, please, please don’t get married to someone that you don’t know, unless you believe in divorce, which in that case, it doesn’t matter. WAIT until the time is right. In your heart of hearts you will know who is designed just for you when you meet them. I don’t know everything, but I know that! People have hidden agendas in this world and it is difficult to see how their ends justifies their current means.
Play that back one more time because I think I just took someone to Church St.
People have hidden agendas in the world and it is difficult to SEE how their ENDS justifies THEIR MEANS.
In conclusion, next time your Grandmother tells you, “When I was your age…” don’t roll your eyes just yet. At least award yourself the opportunity to hear what they have to say. Who knows, those warnings could save your life from a nasty divorce and 3 kids with a man that might as well have horns on the top of his head. Then you will be the one down in despair walking around mothering Satan’s spawns.
I can barely stand the visuals.
Happy dating folks!
Photo Credit: B.Kennedy
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