I Suck

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I have sucked at being an Aunt.  I’m not being a Debbie downer but it’s true 100%.  Today I spoke with my niece whose age I couldn’t tell you off of the top of my head but I could if I counted.  She was in born December during my junior year in high school.  That’s how I know her age.  As I said I spoke to her today and she didn’t say more than three words to me.  Why?  She doesn’t know me.  I have aunts and uncles that I would speak to every 5,10, or 15 years and I had no interest in speaking with them either.  Why?  I didn’t know them and after a while to be frank I didn’t care to.

Oh the joys of foster care can take us to places that can have effects long after temporary homes are gone.  I’m doing to my nieces and nephews what my aunts and uncles did to me.  With major sarcasm I say, “Thank you!”  I shake my head in disappointment at how this cycle keeps replaying itself and no one, not even me is trying to stop it.  Going into foster care doesn’t just disrupt that one home but the ones of future generations too.

My sister and I have had our disputes.  We are not close anymore.  My brother and I have had our disputes.  We have never been real close but there was once great potential for a great brother and sister relationship.  After so many offenses from me to them or them to me or both you just stop trying. I used to try.  God the desire to have a close family used to stress me out and drive me crazy.  The void of not having a family almost did drive me crazy!  Emotionally you get to a place of realization that you can’t make other people be in a relationship with you.  That’s where I let go and I don’t drive myself crazy anymore about not having “family” on the holidays.  I don’t really cry anymore about having an empty table on Thanksgiving or wondering who I am going to share that “family” holiday with.  I have ACCEPTED my circumstances.  This is where it gets tricky because in accepting those circumstances of strained familial relationships I declined relationships with the next generation.  I submerged the desire to have a relationship with my nieces and nephews into a deep dark pit and threw it into an ocean all because I couldn’t build a healthy relationship with their parents.  That’s not the children’s fault and it may not even be mine and perhaps not even the parents’ but it’s a problem nonetheless.  The system and everyone involved even extended family and friends need to realize that being in foster care just doesn’t affect those in placement.  It effects you too!

I haven’t broken the cycle as much as I would have liked.  I have accepted it so that I don’t wrestle against a situation that has no desire to change.  In turn I have passed on the same slew of disappointments and confusion to my nieces and nephews that was passed on to me by my aunts and uncles.  All of the questions, “why didn’t they take us in?” and “why don’t they call?”  It’s not fair to those children!  I can’t continue to make them pay for the failures of the adults in their lives.  I need to be a better “aunt.”  It’s not about the title but it’s in reference to the person. Being a better me should reflect in every area of opportunity in my life.

Note: If this post hurts someone’s feelings/ offends any persons specifically that I know my sincerest apologies. My intent is not to offend you but this message may help others in the same situation.

Bre

Photo Credit:
http://itsnotmeright.com/2013/12/11/love-betrayal/
© [bre] and [https://letmeseethelight.wordpress.com], [2014]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [bre] and [https://letmeseethelight.wordpress.com] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

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