Saturday morning at exactly 4:44 am my brother called me. I looked at the phone and knew something was wrong. I chose to ignore the phone call. Within seconds I picked it back up knowing that I would regret ignoring the inevitable. I knew that my grandmother had died and ignoring my brothers phone call so that he could tell me what I knew in my heart would not make her any less dead.
Him: She is gone
Instantly my eyes welled with tears and in seconds I was sobbing. It was so weird. The last time I spoke to her she was going into the hospital to get a heart valve replacement. Our conversation was different. “If I never speak to you again,” she says, “I want to tell you bye in my language.” Like any proud German as Germans are certainly proud I envisioned her pulling back her shoulders, lifting her chin slightly as she said, “Auf Wiedersehen.” She also told me that she loved me and that was a different kind of goodbye. I felt weird after I got off of the phone. Not sure what to think or what to do. My grandmother was born in 1933 so she certainly lived a full life. She has been fairly sick off and on over the past 5 to 10 years but she had never talked to me in that way before. I was certain she would make it out fine, she always did. I guess you can say she turned out better than fine; she is in heaven now.
I know what your thinking, “How do you know she is in heaven?” See I am not one of those people who believes everyone who dies goes to heaven. After the few people that I know who have had loved ones past I have never heard them entertain that their loved one went to hell. Now either I have heaven bound people near me or someone isn’t being realistic because everyone that dies does not go to heaven, but of course no one wants to think about that. It would hurt too much. I am no expert. I don’t know what the percentage of people is of those who go to hell. I don’t think it is like cancer, 1 out of 10 people will die of it (that is a made up statistic, I am not sure if it is correct). My point is, my grandma made it to heaven.
All of my life I have had dreams. Sometimes really bad dreams, sometimes just dreams that are vivid and full of meaning. I have come to believe that it is God’s way of communicating with me. Well that Saturday morning approximately 15 minutes before my brother gave me the call I woke up crying from a bad dream. I don’t remember the details of the dream and my crying didn’t last long because after 30 seconds or so of sobbing peace came over me like a sort of finalization and I just went back to sleep. Then when my brother called at 4:44am I knew something wasn’t right. Those who are into numbers and the spiritual meaning of them 4:44am is a series of 4’s, three of them to be exact. 4 times 3 equals 12, the number of disciples. Then 1 plus 2 equals 3, the number of the holy trinity and perfection. Also, I would love to have her time of death because I will be willing to bet that at the time that she passed is when I woke up from that dream crying before feeling a wave of peace and finalization.
In addition to the occurrences mentioned above the day before she passed I put up a quote on my Facebook page that said, “Don’t take life so seriously, the only thing promised is death.” That blew my mind. It is almost like I knew without evening knowing. Then a week before that a friend was asking me, “When are you coming back to Texas to visit.” I replied, “The next time I come back to Texas will be for a funeral.” This was my way of saying that I hate Texas and will be making no trips just to go visit people. Sorry family, I just don’t like Texas!
Yet here I am, on a plane headed back to Texas for a funeral.
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