My XY Chromosome

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A year ago I went on a quest to find my father.  It was not an in depth, “Who is my dad” kind of search yet a subtle curiosity that took hold and before I knew it I was not even sure why I was on this journey but I could not seem to get off.  It was slow brewing.  I would call and leave a voicemail then forget about it then a few months later something would peak my interest and I would call and not leave a voicemail.  This has gone on for a year.  There seemed to be no rhyme or reason but I had started something and I had to see it through.  I blogged about my first experience reaching out (https://letmeseethelight.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/lonliness-part-2/) then another experience (https://letmeseethelight.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/father-where-art-thou/) when I reached out and I guess I may have been a bit discouraged by the lack of response on his end (my alleged father that is).  Today once again I decided to call.  As I sat down to paint my nails before heading out to purchase materials for my husband’s book signing this weekend I dialed his work number.  I am expecting the familiar routine: secretary, “He is in a session.  Would you like his voicemail?”  To my surprise she says, “Hold on one second,” and after a few moments a males voice comes on the line and my heart drops.  I am nervous and I cannot tell you verbatim what my first few sentences of the conversation were.  I do recall apologizing for phoning him at work and I informed him that I in no way want anything from him.  Somewhere in between all of that I managed to be able to tell how I came to know of him.  I did not have a speech prepared, as I did not think I would be able to speak with him and presumed that I would need to ask the secretary for the physical address so that I may send a letter.

We spoke for a few minutes and considering that he was at work he took my information and said that he would call me when he got off of work.  I am hopeful that he will call back especially since he stated that he did not know his father and knows what that feels like.  So I am waiting and the feeling is similar to the level of anticipation that one has when they have given their number to a courter and are waiting for the phone to ring.  It is weird to connect it to that but it is the only thing I can seem to connect it to.  I suppose it is the waiting part that feels similar.  The type of excitement or nervousness I feel waiting for my alleged father to ring is drastically different than the feeling I got waiting for my courter to ring before we wed.  Notwithstanding, I am waiting.

I am curious as to what the future holds not that he has confirmed knowing my mother and having a relationship with her of some sorts.  I am not clear on what that relationship is exactly but I will find out more when we speak.  The part I am concerned about is the “what now?”  I want to get a DNA test done to see if he is my father before attempting to build a relationship.  Then if he is I suppose that we would need to discuss whether or not to move forward with creating a relationship.  I would want to.  Finding my father could actually have a really positive ending or it can end the way many things in my life have.  In which I am forever grateful that God has provided me with a magnitude of coping skills built over a lifetime to endure.

Here we go again, life for me is always a roller coaster ride, a Hollywood adventure constantly unfolding.

Stay tuned!

BKennedy-Osiro

Check out: http://www.gofundme.com/3z1wes

Photo credit: http://jscms.jrn.columbia.edu/cns/2007-02-27/brown-gene-ealogy/story_syndication.html

© [bkennedyosiro] and [https://letmeseethelight.wordpress.com], [2013]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [bkennedyosiro] and [https://letmeseethelight.wordpress.com] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

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