IT’S MY BIRTHDAY I CAN DO WHAT I WANT TO….

Stud

Birthdays have always been special to me.  I had few birthdays as a child that I can reflect on with joy.  Though I did have some good ones and a couple of great ones.  The biggest thing for me is being able to share special moments with someone else.  Someone special.  There were many birthdays over the past five years where I feel sad that I did not always have that special person in my life to share it with.  I am talking about family, friends, and a companion.  I never seemed to have all three.

This year was my first birthday being married.  The newlywed phase has not been what people say that it should and I feared another disappointing celebration.  Weeks ago I began to drop MAJOR hints as to what I would like to do.  Since I have no friends out here due to relocation I knew that whatever celebration possibilities that existed relied solely on my husband.  Back to the “hints”…I wrote purposely on the calendar that my husband and I share that I was off for my birthday from the 1st through the 4th.  On the calendar for the 1st of March I wrote, “My Birthday.”  In which my ever so endearing husband writes in response, “I know that,” as if we are in junior high passing letters.  When I saw it I found it so hilarious that I laughed out loud in the solitude of our home.  Then I figured I could kick it up a notch so that pending a future disappointment regarding my big day he would be unable to excuse himself.  I wrote in the “notes” column, “honey, all I want for my birthday is to get away for the weekend with you.”  How could he mistake the obvious? Indeed he did….

My husband is the first to present a gift to me….the night before my birthday.  This is wonderfully tragic because it wasn’t my birthday yet BUT I was dying to open it.  I waited until the morning.  The gift was nice and something I REALLY needed, new workout clothes….I work out a lot.

So my day in chronological order.  I wake up, open my gifts from my hubby and begin doing my weekly deep housecleaning.  At 6:30am!  Why?  Because it is my BIRTHDAY and I want to get everything out of the way just-in-case my husband takes me on that trip for the weekend that I wanted (wink, wink)….though he only mentioned treating me to dinner of my choice.  A girl can wish right?

After two hours of cleaning I head for a brief run, hop in the shower and head to the mall to collect my outfit that I have previously window shopped for and placed on hold for easy purchasing (I am one of the few women who feel shopping is tedious).  I have an 11 o’clock mani and pedi plus a brazilian.  Time seems to be slipping away from me at this mall as I begin to second guess my choice of blouse for the evening.  I had a cobalt blue high waist pencil skirt on hold at BCBG along with the most expensive scarf my debit card has ever seen.  In my head I was going for classic, sexy, chic with a pinup twist.  Well, my outfit went left field real quick in a good way.  You know how those studs are adorned EVERYWHERE now?  On flats, heels, tops…well I got sucked into the trend and waltzed out the mall with a white studded bustieire.

Off to DSW for shoes and I end up walking to my vehicle with these metallic gold pumps made by Guess with a pop of color called Flaming Pink (according to current fashion trends) adorned with, you guessed it….STUDS….the outfit was impeccable, but did I have the guts to pull it off in a high-end Chinese Cuisine restaurant.  Typically this would be a no brainer as my confidence allows me to pull off outfits that some would not even put together.  I say that without arrogance as I have been told this by numerous women.  Nonetheless I have always been a believer that I can wear whatever I want.  Now that does not mean I can wear whatever tasteless outfit I want but you get the gist….

Fast forward to my mani and pedi which should be relaxing right?  Well things just don’t seem to be working accordingly to my predestined PERFECT BIRTHDAY and I am beginning to get a bit frustrated.  How often do we set ourselves up for failure?  Expecting perfection from the world and everything seems to go but that.  We should be embracing the way that life is unfolding for us throughout the day instead of allowing ourselves to get upset that we are on a time crunch and the world does not seem to be getting the message as if it is the worlds duty to accommodate us.  This is one aspect of my husband that compliments me like a striped glove to my polka dot attitude.  HE is very patient.  In a situation where I am sitting in a chair prepping to get my pedicure and the chair is broken my comfortable, relaxing spa moment goes south my husband would brush the incident off.  The fact that I felt the vibrations of a chair massage against my very stiff back while my rear felt it was going to fall through the seat of the chair due to a massive gap where the backing and the seat of the chair where parting ways.  After getting no help from the man getting ready to give me a pedicure I gave up and sat my entire pedicure out in this uncomfortable chair.  In the midst of my frustrations I could envision my husband brushing it off as it was no big deal so for the sake of my sanity I tried to adapt that mentality.  I do not believe it worked entirely but eventually I got over the small voice in my head saying, “It is your birthday, it should be PERFECT.”

Life is NOT PERFECT but my birthday is the one day out of the year where I really go out of my way to make it perfect.  I have been used to loved ones around me neglecting to make my birthday an important event.  Saying that makes me feel as though I have a sense of self entitlement.  Perhaps I do.  I do not expect people to go above and beyond for me on my birthday but I expect me to do so.  I feel entitled to make my day special because so many other moments in my life during my childhood in foster care were breezed by as though they did not matter.  So I take the time to celebrate me, to celebrate my life and everything it stands for even if I do it alone.  Believe me I often do it alone.

This year, I am married though.  I am supposed to be building the family unit I always lacked.  Unfortunately, it is not working out as I would like.  That is life though right?  At least that is how I have been coping for the past umpteenth years.  At some point and time we can not accept life as if it is just what we are dealt.  We have the power to change that.  The earnest is on me to obtain the family I never had.  So perhaps this is a reflection of my failure to do so and not the “family” in my life?

My husband tried to make my day special and it was special.  Given the circumstances, he does not like birthdays and would rather not celebrate them.  The fact that he took the time out of his evening to treat me to dinner and desert, bought me workout clothes, a card and a gift card is above and beyond.  Even though he did not take me on a get away trip with him like I said I wanted he compromised.  I am grateful for what he did to make my day special.

Life is not always about getting what we want even if we feel we deserve it.  More often than not it is taking a step back and being grateful for what we do have not being ungrateful for what we don’t.  As a wise one once said, “Life could always be worse”-WO

BKennedy-Osiro

© [bretagnebk] and [https://letmeseethelight.wordpress.com], [2013]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [bretagnebk] and [https://letmeseethelight.wordpress.com] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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