I wake up yesterday morning grappling for my phone as it rings to the tune of 7am. I am wishing it to be my husband and when I look at the phone to realize it’s my best friend of four years I instinctively hit the ignore button. Shortly thereafter the rational Bre steps in pushing aside unforgiveness and instructs me to ring her back. I try my best to heed the instruction of the Holy Spirit so I call her back. She answers on the second try because she was leaving a vm on my first attempts to call her back. I desire to hear her excuse to why she has not responded to my phone calls for the last month! In my mind I started to write her off as I wondered what I did to deserve this treatment. The only event that comes to mind is my recent change as a wife. Four weeks ago I got married to a wonderful man and though she says she is happy for me I haven’t heard from her since my wedding. She begins to explain that she has been distant because she has been unhappy about the changes in her life and didn’t want to diffuse my bliss with her negativity. Under other circumstances I may be inclined to find this gesture considerate possibly even endearing but because it’s my BF and I know her tendency to be selfish her reasoning is not reason enough. Though I’m relieved that I did nothing to prompt this distance it is painful. I informed her that her excuse is honest and I appreciate that. I also stated that I understand that she needed her distance and I am acknowledging that boundary however, her establishing that boundary by ignoring me is damaging. When one needs time away it is best as I have learned from experience to inform your loved ones that you need space. Even if you’re not comfortable sharing the details at minimum provide a heads up. Life keeps going for your friends while life seems to stop for you. As a result the individual needing distance should NOT expect their loved ones whom have been ignored, rejected, etcetera to be in position to embrace you when you decide to come out of your cave. What about whether or not they needed you while you were rejecting them? More importantly isn’t that what friendships are about? The companionship and having someone to turn to when life gets tough. By rejecting me she rejected our friendship and once again extending myself is not easy but I do it. I sent her a package last week and called her again Monday evening to say that was my last attempts at reaching out to her. Only then did she call the next morning realizing the magnitude of effects resulting from her need for space. I accepted her apology. Though I recognize this pattern of behavior. As many of us can fall victim to, including myself, LS can be self-absorbed and I can’t expect that to change overnight. I can choose to forgive her the way she has forgiven me in the past and change the nature of our friendship which is precisely what I will continue to do.
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